iBanjo

Someone at work asked me today about how I liked having a hyphenated family name, because she was thinking of doing it herself. My reaction: BIG mistake, don’t do it.

I seriously regret hypenating my last name, because it creates an endless source of confusion.

• When people ask you for your name, it takes ten times longer to explain, and always requires spelling it out and stressing the hyphen. Over the phone, it’s even more painful.
• It tends to break computer systems. They hate hyphens. They hate spaces. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, computers just smash the two last names together, often truncating them anyway, since the combined last name is often ‘too long’.
• Even when people see it printed correctly, it confuses them. If they see your printed name as “Benjamin Apple-Banana”, many will just call you “Benjamin Apple” or “Benjamin Banana”. It’s like their brain just can’t handle the concept of a double last-name, so it automatically drops one. Which means the whole romantic (or political) point of “encompassing both names” is basically lost on the public.

Really, I would gladly have changed my last name to my wife’s if I could go back in time. It would have made life so much easier.

And don’t forget: if you’re male and thinking of changing your last name, be ready for some serious institutionalized sexism!

O Albacore! Aged
and most prized, but highest in
deadly mercury.

So PC! From a
certified sustainable
tuna fishery,

And caught by “fishing
families” as well. As they say,
“Families that fish…”

Open the can, and
suddenly surrounded by
cats. A hopeful sign.

Bouquet: ocean brine,
like the bottom of a dock.
Cooked in its own juice.

Solid round of flesh,
not ground bits of cheap-o stuff.
Firm succulent loin!

First slice hard to dig;
tearing a single muscle,
my teeth sink right in.

Nice starting flavor,
like a fine steak on a grill
a long smooth middle

With just a whisper
of smokiness. But alas,
a sub-par finish:

Touch of bitterness
on the tongue. Perhaps the fish
was not so merry.

But au jus delights,
Blithely bathed in own fluids
Salty without salt!

So rich and intense,
there’s my albacore quota
for the remainder.

Recommendation:
Pair with soft autumn mornings
or moonlit beaches.